Lately I have received an abundance of emails asking about how to live a more abundant, purpose-filled, content life. Many of these questions have actually come from people that have known me throughout my life journey from self-abuse to self-love.
Below is a response to such an inquiry that I received this week. If you are looking to get on the path of self-realization, attract a healthy relationship, shed self abuse, find fulfilling work or just calm the noise in your head you may find below useful.
With all of my work that I share I want to have the unspoken mutual understanding that if this speaks to you use it if it doesn’t feel free to move along.
Do you have anytime alone in the morning or at night? Have you ever tried meditating? Doing 5 minutes in the morning can change your whole day.
If you are looking into books on self healing I love the gentle healing words of Louise Hay. Her book “You Can Heal Your Life” is something I read often and have for years. I highly recommend it.
I also journal and have for years. When I was starting my journey to loving myself, healing and creating a life I desire (I am still working on it and always will be) I would journal things I wanted to be, feel, have and do.
For instance at one time I was dating individuals who attitudes and actions were conducive to my self-esteem level at the time. I was attracting individuals at the level of what I thought I deserved. This came in many forms from unemployed individuals that I had to financially carry to individuals with little to no introspect or life goals and even individuals with drug and alcohol addictions. They were just treating me awful, I wasn’t being my best and it was just the same relationship over and over with different guys playing the role of my boyfriend.
The outcome was always the same. They brought out the worst of me and I didn’t bring out the best in them…
In friendships I was doing the same mirroring. I was avoiding healing myself and trying to heal all of my friends. I was the “saver”. I would listen to anyone that needed me. I would provide the house for everyone to gather at, I would give everyone free services in my business and was constantly participating in things I hated… just to be there for others. I was not participating in the receiving end of friendship. I can honestly say that many of my friends didn’t even know me.
Although I always was trying to “save” someone the person I needed to save was myself. So I decided to be single and truly fall in love with myself. Now, I am not saying to fall in love with myself in a “proud” or “superficial” way. I mean really loving myself in a deep way, wanting the best for myself, figuring out what I truly wanted in life, who I wanted to be and being the best friend I was to others…for myself.
So I would journal, take long candle light baths, listen to calming music, say “no” to things I really didn’t want to do (for me this was parties and bar hopping). I started eating healthy and really focusing on changing my inner dialogue. Every time I would think something less than kind about myself I would simple replace it by thinking an empowering thought.
I also wrote what kind of life I wanted, what kind of partner I really wanted, what I wanted my days to look like and what I discovered was shocking. I had never really thought these things over before and the things I thought I wanted were shallow and had no depth.
I would just say “a man with a job that is nice to me, a house, a car, and nice things…”
None of those things make for a good life. They are not descriptive at all! So I dropped wanting the stuff or a man. I started dating myself and figured out what a good partner for me is: I wanted someone kind, funny, healthy, that wants to see me grow and be successful. I wanted to laugh and trust someone fully. I wanted to be true partners with another individual encouraging each other to follow every dream and being there to nurture each others strengths. In life I wanted to love myself and every day feel at peace. I wanted to go to bed every night feeling I did my best and gave my all. I could go on forever…lol.
But the most important thing I can say to you is don’t look outside of yourself for happiness. It is not there and you will never find it looking outside of yourself.
It is never another individual’s job to make you happy. If you think manifesting the perfect life partner will complete you or try to hold this individual responsible for bringing you happiness you will always feel you are missing something.
No matter how perfect the man, the job, your body, etc the key is to be what you want in life and then you will experience it surrounding you every single day. Like attracts like and we attract to us what we are (not what we want – WHAT WE ARE).
Start by healing your mind, your thoughts about yourself, life, what you deserve, etc and things will change. Make your goal less about things and more about feeling good every day. Place your intention on this by shifting some thoughts and things will start to happen for you. New people, books and guidance will find you. And know I am always here.
A great prayer to say in the morning is “Take what needs to go, help me welcome what needs to come. Amen.”
I am not standing on top of some mountain of perfection looking down instructing others on how to live their life. I want to be very clear about that. I am still very much a student of the universe consistently welcoming transformation into my life. I have a lot more to become and do.
I am simply a guide to those who feel my message speaks to them. I am a woman that was a 13 year old girl who didn’t want to live for years of her life and then continued to participate in abusive behaviors for nearly a decade (including disordered eating, binge/purge cycles, lack of self worth and feeling completely misunderstood in the world) who has completely transformed her life.
I am a happily married, healthy, successful business woman who is consistently creating the life of my dreams. My only goal is to be brave enough to share my journey so that maybe all the darkness that I have been through can become a guiding light for some of you.
One thing I know for sure is if you are looking outside of yourself for fulfillment you will never find it. There is no man, person, place or thing that can make you genuinely happy. You are your own hero and everything you need to live a happy, abundant, overflowing-with-love life can be found within you.