Today I was triggered by an old relationship pattern.
I was hurt and frustrated.
I found myself (once again) trying to get love, support and friendship from one source that is unwilling to give it to me freely. I, at the same time, was blocking all the other sources of love that were freely flowing to me.
I found myself in an old familiar pattern begging someone to love and support me who was unwilling to freely do so. While at the same time a complete stranger was dishing me love, support, praise, all publicly and freely without me ever requesting it.
I was blocking the good from this complete stranger because I was focused on getting my love from this other person who I have always wanted it from but could never fully get. How sad & how mad?
Some lessons when learned we can completely move on from without re-examining them. Some wounds are so deep, so powerful or have gone on for so long that we have to continually work at healing them. This old wound snuck back in this morning before I even realized it was happening.
For me, doing the work around releasing others to be as they are and not as I need them to be has been a great lesson in my life. I am now able to have relationships with some who I really couldn’t before. Before when I talked to them I was angry. Their lack of love and support made me angry. I was holding so much tension and anger!!! I was holding that person to an expectation where my needs would be met. All the while the other person didn’t care how I felt or what my needs were.
For me to walk around upset over the state of a relationship when the other party didn’t care how I felt or that their actions (or lack there of) were hurting me was irrational. Realizing that I hold the power to resolve these awful feelings was such a powerful gift.
How to Break Free From Toxic Relationships
Focusing on what this one person was holding back from me instead of looking towards all these beautiful people in my life who were sending me continual love and support was in essence myself restricting love.
Sometimes love and support doesn’t show up through the person you would most expect it from or who you desire it from. But realizing this is okay changes things. Either the person holding back the love from you is not capable at this time to love, is being manipulative on purpose or doesn’t know that you feel the way you do.
You can try and have an honest conversation with them. This might be the healing you need right there. Maybe it was in their blind spot and just bringing it up will shift things for you both.
Also be prepared in this situation for bringing it up and the person not caring, not saying sorry and still withholding love. This is what happened in my case. It was deeply painful.
This is when you have to do only what you can do. Work on you. Work on your reaction, your emotions around this person and take your power back.
If this happens to you silently bless this person and release them from the thoughts you hold them in. Bless them and pray to see things differently. To be released from the need to be loved by them in this specific way. Pray to have the cord that joins you to this hurtful relationship cut. Wish them well and wish yourself well. See both of you with the cord cut between you healthy and happy.
Going forward this person may try to drag you back into the toxic dance. This is where you will be different. You will work on yourself and fill yourself up with so much love and support that you will no longer need it from this person.
You will be full and overflowing with an abundance of love and support moving forward.
Filling yourself up so that you do not “need” anything from another frees you! And it frees them. It frees you to enjoy others more, to feel at peace, safe and supported without expectation of others. You can be fully present in all situations. You will be able to let those old chains of unhealthy patterns concerning relationships to others melt away.
If any of this relates to you and your experiences in some relationship I encourage you today to start looking at things from this different perspective. This is a powerful gift you can give yourself. You will feel lighter, safer and happier over all.
As always, I am sending you love and light.