When you are reading this post I know you’re going to be saying “Oh my god, I do that.” We all have areas in our life where we decide we’re just not good enough yet to experience something we really want. Before I started with my healthy lifestyle I did this with my body.
I would say to myself “okay Amy when you get to your goal weight then you can have those new cloths, then you can go on that vacation you always wanted to go on, then you can have those new shoes.”
I was putting my happiness on a layaway plan that had no end-date in sight. The end-date was actually “some day.”
I starved myself of pleasurable experiences until I met a certain goal. Now, I understand that this is the exact opposite thing you should do for yourself. I’m not saying you should go out and spend millions of dollars on yourself but I’m saying if your wardrobe is from the 90s it’s probably time to add in a few new pieces no matter what size you are.
Here’s the irony of my waiting until I was my dream size to get my dream clothes – My household went from a two income household to a one income household living in one of the most expensive cities in the world and I began supporting my husband financially and emotionally to attend Naturopathic Medical School. So guess who, 3-4 years later, still has not received her dream wardrobe? Life is telling me, girl don’t put things on a shelf again.
What I’ve learned now (and this is true to every goal in life) is that loving yourself on the journey will only help you get to your goal and it will actually get you there faster. If I would have dressed in clothes I enjoyed along the way I would have had more pride in myself. Instead I was telling myself every single day I wasn’t good enough yet. How crazy and self-abusive is that? It doesn’t matter what size I am I’m worthy.
Now, this doesn’t mean that I don’t set healthy goals. Because I do and always will. I set my goals, I do the daily work that needs to be done and I love myself so much along the way that I respect those goals and I make them happen.
This last month I discovered an area in my life yet again I was setting on a shelf for when I was good enough. Boy, this time I wasn’t going to make the same mistake.
I decided I was going to get out in front of this and change it. See, once I see something in my life that needs to be altered I no longer ignore it or put it off. I know that this is my real job in life.
So, the weird thing I was putting on a shelf was in one of my goal books. I had a list of things I was going to do once I was finished supporting my husband through school and had paid off his educational debts. I had it clearly written – “Every week I will have fresh flowers delivered on Friday morning.”
Now with the bills I have there is no way for me to have fresh flowers delivered every Friday. But, I decided I was going to make this happen. What I discovered was awesome.
Most weeks we have to get our groceries at about 10 PM on Friday night. This is due to our hectic work and school schedules. While at the grocery store 4 Fridays ago I discovered they have a flower section I had never noticed before. In this flower section they have gorgeous flowers that they mark down drastically at the end of the day on Friday (on Saturdays they bring in all fresh). Everything from a dozen roses to a bouquet of wild flowers are on sale from $6 – $14. Now, I can afford $12 a week to make my home and office look beautiful, put a smile on my face and make me feel wealthy.
This is a dream I set on a shelf that I thought could only happen if I was financially free. I’m happy to report I have stuck to this for the last 4 weeks. I pick and choose from different bouquets and often buy 2-3 $6 bouquets and form my own bouquets around the house. It feels luxurious! And for the cost of only about $12 per week.
I want you this week to discover what you’re putting on a shelf in your life and what excuses you have formed around doing so. Drop your excuses – they are not welcome here. For every problem there is a solution. My example above is perfect for you to model. My dream was $100 per week fresh flower delivery service that caters to my dream home with multiple rooms. I altered that dream to my current reality and in turn still feel wealthy and abundant.
Our “when we’re good enough shelves” are illusions we’ve created. The only people that can remove these shelves from our lives is us. We create these shelves to hold ourselves back because secretly we’re afraid that life really is that good. We’re afraid that we really are going to be that lean, that healthy, that successful, that gorgeous and that happy. We’re secretly afraid to find out that we’re the only ones in charge of our own happiness. Once you’re an adult the only person that is in charge of your joy is you. Period.
This week smash those shelves, light them on fire, do whatever you’ve got to do to understand they’re not real. Understand that they are only illusions to hold you back and what you’ll discover once you do this is just how happy you can make yourself.
Do you know how much you can give in a relationship when you’re in charge of your own happiness and you bring a whole, happy, self-sustained person to that relationship? Oh, man it is sweet and it is powerful. But that’s a whole other post.